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Mind

Why saying no is so hard and what we can do about it

Why is saying no to other people so difficult – even when we really know we should? Sunita Sah's new book Defy has some novel ideas about the interpersonal forces holding us back

By Alison George

16 April 2025

GB. England. Black Country. Wolverhampton. Compton. Royston Blythe hair salon. 2012.

Whether you are at the hairdresser’s or at work, the ability to say no is always crucial

Martin Parr/Magnum Photos

Defy
Sunita Sah (Blink Publishing (UK) One World (US))

We’ve all done it. Some of us do it all the time, in situations both trivial and serious. We say “yes” when we shouldn’t, or fail to say “no” when we should, nodding approvingly when the hairdresser has done a terrible job, caving in to a zealous salesperson or staying silent when a colleague is being undermined in a work meeting.

That is to say, we go along with things,…

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